Breathe life into this feeble heart
Lift this mortal veil of fear
Take these crumbled hopes, etched with tears
We’ll rise above these earthly cares
~ Dante’s Prayer by Loreena McKennit ~
This morning an odd thing happened while talking with my oldest son, we were sitting in the kitchen enjoying berry breakfast smoothies (YUM!), and my son said, “Mom if you want to move to the country it’s cool. I want you to be happy.”
You see, I have a bit of a gypsy heart and my children have lived from end of the United States to the other. Their dad is an industrial engineer and there is no shortage of jobs for him, this has been a blessing and allowed us to move about quite a bit. We settled here in the north central valley area of California last October and I have to admit I was not excited. We left Kansas, my house big blue Victorian home, my acre of land, my beautiful garden and came to a smaller ranch style home with a cement covered backyard. I will say the front yard is lovely full of citrus trees and roses (Oh, poor roses I have been known to unwantedly kill you with my lack of knowledge on care).
In fact, the first few months I would pout and tell my husband how my backyard looked like a prison yard. The funny thing is I even have bars on my windows! It just added to my pity party. I did not want to accept my new home, I longed for wide open spaces and the ability to dance under a full moon without having neighbors think me some kind of mad woman. In fact, my dream home would be the home of the two Aunties from the movie Practical Magic. Oh what bliss… That is my kind of dream home!
So… needless to say I sulked for much too long. Like a spoiled child I wanted what I thought was the right place… Never thinking that I was making it harder for my kids to settle in, can you say Epic Bad Mom moment when the reality of my poor actions hit me! I was very displeased with myself, how dare I be so selfish!
My kids had given up so much, friends, fireflies, long lazy sunny afternoons exploring nature or hanging out in the club house they made with their dad and friends. Yet, here they were adapting, allowing new roots to take hold in the world they now lived in. And me…well I was too busy thinking about what I had and not taking the time to see all the new wonderful things blooming all around me.
So back to this morning and the conversation with my son, I smiled at him, the “I love you so much” mom kind of smile. Oh how my heart swells with love when my kids show how much they care about people in their life. I was so touched by his words and replied to him, “It’s important for your sister and you boys to have friends and grow where we are.” I was learning from them, my children are my heroes and have taught me so much.
But wait! What about the odd thing that happened?
Right after I answered Jake (my beautiful boy) my iPod turned on, and from the other room Dante’s Prayer began to play. Jake looked at me and I him and we giggled, we were the only ones home so for it to just turn on at a song that means so much to me, let my heart know, I was on the right path, one that would allow me and my family to bloom where we are.
Isn’t that what life is? Learning to adapt, to accept and learn from the things and places we encounter. I may not have it all figured out but I am allowing my roots to grow, and my dreams to take shape in new ways… I will be like a tree of love and grow where I am…
I hope wherever you may be you take root and bloom!
Always, Butterfly Blessings…