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Control

This morning I’m facing one of my biggest fears…not being in control.  In just a few hours I am scheduled for a common procedure but even this fact does not comfort me.  I do not like the thought of having to be put under to have biopsies done; I do not like that I cannot control what the biopsies will tell.  I do not like this sense of helplessness, no, not one tiny bit. But I put on my brave mom face for my kids and tell myself it will be over soon… and I know it will.

Sitting here waiting around and thinking about control has made me realize just how much this one fear has probably had one of the biggest holds on my life.  How many things have I not done because I could not control the outcome?  I am afraid to take an actual count, I am sure it would be too many, and that means I would have to face all the things that could have happened if I would have given up control.

The “what if’s” are many.  So now I must make sure I let go of control… yup, I can’t go back and change my actions in the past.  I cannot control what has already been but I can face today and know that sometimes I must give up control.  I must trust the doctors and medical staff, I must let my family take care of me, and that is something they do so well.   I cannot control what my results will be, but I can control how I choose to face the outcome, whatever they are.  I cannot control those in my life but I can make sure I am the best I can be and have, I hope, a positive effect in their lives.

Maybe that is why life’s journey has brought me here, to this moment in time, to teach me.  To say it’s okay to let of the reigns, to understand the things I cannot control do not control me.  So, today I am letting go and I know that whatever the outcome there is a reason and a purpose greater than I can understand.  I know that the ones I love will be there for me and that is a pretty good feeling.

I hope today you lose control, just a little bit, and enjoy that moment of freedom of not having to be in control of the uncontrollable…

Until next time, beautiful butterfly blessings!

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